I had a wild and wayward time during high school and my early college years. While in college, my high school girlfriend was part of Campus Crusade for Christ and found Jesus. I was cynical and committed to getting her out of this "cult," which I saw as changing our relationship.

I joined a Campus Crusade for Christ small group to discredit them. But I was ambushed by the love of God. I constantly grilled my small group and finally ran out of questions. Because those five guys were so gracious with my cynical attitude, challenging questions, and fears about placing my trust in a God I couldn’t see, I placed my trust in Christ.

Campus Crusade didn’t waste any time. Its leadership knows they have only two to four years to help students understand the gospel and the work of the Holy Spirit. Consequently, they train you to lead small groups in your dorm. Reluctantly, I agreed to lead a group, and I learned more about ministry from this para-church organization than I did in the actual church.

Life-altering challenges
A couple years later, my high school girlfriend and I married. When we lost our daughter to a genetic abnormality, I quit my job to attend Biola Seminary full time. In our grief, I learned God “comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us” (2 Corinthians 1:4, NLT).

In seminary I had to do a funeral for a family who lost their three-year-old son. They asked the same question I had asked: “Is my child going to be with me in heaven?” When I went to my theology class later that week, my questions about heaven and death were authentic.

While dealing with tough issues in the classroom, I was a part of Ministries Inc., an organization that helps you raise money for seminary while doing ministry at the same time. I struggled to balance the priorities of work and seminary, because I thought it was virtuous to be a hard driving person. On top of taking fifteen credit hours, I worked a full-time job, in which I taught Sunday school, preached regularly, and managed a staff of six. I was overwhelmed.

Sharing the journey
A defining moment for me came when a professor encouraged me to let my wife participate in my ministry so we could journey together. At this point, I also gathered a group of peers and formed a support group to pray about our roles in ministry and our families.

One of those men eventually came with me to Saddleback. He and his wife became our dear friends, and we continue to do ministry together. Often, relationships forged in seminary cross the tests of time.

Ask God with whom he wants you to share the journey. Trust that God doesn’t want you to do ministry alone. The only questions are: With whom and when? Write down ten to fifteen names of people. Include those who may also be helpful to your spouse, and then ask if they would be willing to regularly pray with you. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask. You may just make some friendships for a lifetime.

Brett Eastman is the founder and CEO of Lifetogether Ministries. He was the small groups pastor at Saddleback Church and the small group champion at Willow Creek Community Church.

One intangible of effective ministry is the ability to learn from experience. But if you lack experience, how can you truly learn? A mentor can help interpret what is happening in your ministry as well as provide the wisdom needed to aid growth. Gordon MacDonald, pastor and author of Ordering Your Private World, lends insight from his years both as student and mentor to help you find the right role model—and become the best student.

What type of person have you typically mentored?
I am drawn to young people who believe in self-discipline, and who have brought any personal problems from the past under spiritual management so they are not a daily difficulty. I’m also drawn to people who appreciate the power of a rebuke or a correction. I’m attracted to people who are not afraid to do little things in order to gain credibility and a reputation for faithfulness. I also like readers.

Why do you think readers make good protégés?
Readers are people who are learning how to sustain themselves. A mentor expects a protégé will one day be prepared to go off on his or her own. But that means they have learned how to draw strength and insight from other sources.

It is not unusual for me to have a conversation with someone who wants to talk on something but doesn’t want to take the time to do the reading. That’s just not a good use of time, and it hints of a person who really wants others to do their homework for them.

What key characteristics do you look for when you consider mentoring someone?
1. Signs of teachability and a hunger to learn. Do they ask questions? Do they show signs they are prepared to change and put into action the things we’ve talked about?
2. An ability to generalize out of particulars. In other words, someone who can take specific experiences and roll them into principles of conduct and thought.
3. An instinct to sustain themselves once a tool is offered. I am not interested in someone who is looking for a substitute father.

How do you find a mentor?
Finding a mentor is an art, not a science. A lot of us old guys are asked this question, and my answer seldom varies. Scan the crowd and note those whose lives are headed in directions you admire or would like to replicate. Then, invite them into conversation with your questions—and listen! Always go for the stories. In such a way there is a romance—a mentoring romance—likely to start.

My friend Paul Borthwick did this with the mother of Elizabeth Elliot. This woman had raised remarkable sons and daughters who all served God. Paul wanted to know what principles had guided her, so he regularly visited this woman—whom most young people would have completely ignored. He walked away with a wealth of insight, and a beautiful cross-generational friendship.

Did you find a mentor this way?
My wife and I, when we were young, were always on the lookout for people 30 or more years our senior willing to answer our questions and tell their stories. We invited them to our apartment for dinner, and sometimes asked if we could drop by their home for a talk. We seldom found anyone who wasn’t open to such an idea.

When we sat with them, we had a bevy of questions: What kind of families did you come from? How did you meet? What were the toughest lessons you had to learn? What do you see as possibilities for our lives?

When we found responsive people, we went back. Usually we found they wanted us to come back. There was reciprocity of relationship.

When and how do you terminate a mentoring relationship?
A mentoring relationship tends to run its course, or it turns into a friendship. A mentoring relationship, of course, does have an ending point. A friendship, theoretically, does not. Mentoring implies a teacher/student relationship; a friendship is a peer relationship. As I write in my new book, A Resilient Life, one of my greatest mentoring relationships terminated when my track coach said to me, “Why don’t you call me Marvin?” So I went from calling him “Coach” or “Sir,” to Marvin. Poof! The switch was made.

"I'm a bad student, bad pastor, bad wife, bad friend, and bad daughter," I confessed to my mentor.

At least that was how I felt. I was in the third month of my new schedule. My time was split between church, seminary, and home, but I was the one divided. My schedule was pulling me in multiple directions, splitting my attention and best efforts. Exhausted, overwhelmed, and empty, I felt like a failure on all fronts.

"Ministry is good," my mentor said, "but it's no good if you are no good in it."

She was right. My seminary had done its part teaching me about the importance of "boundaries" and "self-care" but knowing it and doing it are two different things. I needed practical solutions.

Over the past three months, through many interactions with mentors, pastors, fellow seminarians, and friends, I’ve learned that to be good in ministry I need to implement these five healthy practices:

1. Allow myself a late start.
Before seminary, I was working the typical 40-hour week. But as we all know, church does not function on this common clock. My work hours shifted to include many evenings and weekends. Yet, I was still trying to get up early every morning. I was exhausted! I began to let myself sleep in a few mornings a week so I am well rested.

2. Communicate honestly with my spouse.
With new ministry responsibilities, I had less time to devote to household chores. For a long time, I did not ask for help. I assumed it was my job to make dinner every night, clean the house, and do the laundry. Resentment crept in. I was tired, angry, and needed help. After a few honest conversations, my husband and I realigned responsibilities. We now share cooking, cleaning, and laundry chores. I am relieved, and our relationship is renewed.

3. Maintain a prayer journal.
A prayer journal does wonders for keeping my prayer time intentional and reminding me of God's still, small voice in my busy life. After a time of prayer, I reflect by journaling. Throughout the week, I have an opportunity to remember how God is speaking to me. I also keep a list of people and situations that I need to lift to the Lord.

4. Operate on seven-day stretches.
While semesters end, ministry doesn't. Before one task is accomplished, another barks for our attention. When I thought about all the papers, assignments, lessons, and sermons I needed to tackle in coming months, it was a daunting task. Now, I take one week at a time. On Sunday night, I scan through my planner to see what appointments and tasks need my attention in the next seven days. Now, instead of being burdened by future demands, I am freer to fully experience the present.

5. Get regular physical activity.
Stress manifests in me physically, so to stay healthy pound it out at least twice a week. Taking a brisk walk, riding my bicycle, or going to the gym all help me sweat out stress. I do not exercise to be in good shape, but I exercise so I don’t get bent out of shape—mentally, physically, or emotionally.

Discovering healthy practices is an ongoing process. While adapting new practices, old habits sneak back in. I long to observe Sabbath rest; even though I’ve set aside a day, I've yet to actually honor it. I also struggle with saying no to others in order to say yes to nurturing the person God created me to be.

Yet, through this journey I have learned it is when I am healthy and whole that I can fully serve God and his creation. The Apostle Paul teaches that our bodies are not only temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 3:16) but that we are also members of the body of Christ (Ephesians 5:30). In taking care of ourselves, we honor God, Christ, and the Church. Ministry is good, and I need to be good in it.