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 erving as a pastor whatever your marital status.
by Scott M. Gibson, Haddon W. Robinson Professor of Preaching at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary in South Hamilton, MA
When I became pastor of my first church, I was single. Before graduating from seminary I wondered if a church would want a never-married person as their pastor. I’d be shepherd of married couples, singles, teens, and children. What church would want me? I thought.
For some seminarians, the thought of being single and serving as a solo pastor is discouraging. I mean, don't churches hire pairs, not singles? A seminarian might work as hard on his dogmatics as he does on his dating. He thinks he needs to graduate with an M.Div. and a Mrs.
But is it essential to be married before entering ministry? I don't think so.
The Apostle Paul, a single person in ministry, gave me perspective when I was single and uneasy about my future: "I have learned to be content with whatever I have" (Philippians 4:11, NLT). I know singleness is not always easy, but Paul's words helped me see that whether unmarried or married, my contentment is to be in the Lord.
The day did come when my singleness as a pastor undermined my contentment. I was serving as full-time interim pastor at a church. The windows of the parsonage didn't have curtains. The trustees decided to place curtains on the windows, but the subcommittee bought sheers instead.
|  | When the workers were putting up the sheers, I asked one of the workers, "Why didn’t you buy curtains?"
She replied, "Because the next pastor’s wife may want a certain kind of curtain, and the sheers will go with anything."
I responded, "What if the next pastor doesn’t have a wife?"
She quickly retorted, "He better get one!"
I became the next pastor. And, by the way, I didn’t "get" a wife.
The ministry at the church was fulfilling and challenging. Did I wish I were married? That’s a hard question. The Lord taught me as never before the importance of depending on him through Bible reading, meditation, and prayer. He also taught me the priorities of friendships and how a church can become my family.
However, during those years of ministry, a spouse may have been able to support me in ways I can only imagine now. But being single allowed me to find my contentment in the Lord and to trust him for his comfort, care, and encouragement.
|  | What can a seminarian do as he or she thinks about serving as a single pastor? I suggest the following:
1. Get your contentment from the Lord—no matter what. If you're not finding fulfillment in Christ as a single, you’ll continue to struggle in your spiritual life as a married person.
2. Be honest with yourself—and with the Lord—when it comes to dating. Remember, God is sovereign and he is the one who directs your steps (Proverbs 20:24), not you. Marrying someone to secure future ministry is not a guarantee that God is in it. But if you desire to marry, pray that the Lord will lead the right person into your life. Don’t let it consume you. Be consumed by Christ.
3. Determine to enjoy it. Gather around you friends and church family who’ll be your support. But remember, you’re the pastor. Don't expect them to take care of or feel sorry for you. I've seen this role reversal take place among some single preachers—both men and women.
When in seminary, I had hoped that I would be married by the time I was 30. It didn't happen. God eventually lead someone into my life, and in my mid-40s I married. My wife is a joy. But my contentment isn't in her; it's in the Lord.
No, I wouldn't trade those days of singleness for being married. Sure, there were struggles, but I learned what contentment in Christ is really about. |
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 iving and receiving the best in community.
An interview with author and pastor Randy Frazee
Is it easier to be independent than interdependent? Self-sufficiency is as old as Eden. After all, life gets a little messy the more people you throw into the pot: mixed emotions, clash of personalities, and conflicting agendas. But really, we're designed for community, and life is richer when we lean on each other.
In the first part of our two-part interview with Randy Frazee, a teaching pastor at Willow Creek Community Church, South Barrington, IL, and author of The Connecting Church, Frazee talked to Ministry Mentor about the importance of shared space in experiencing community. In this follow-up interview, Frazee shares why theological students need to embrace interdependence—even when it means going against our tendency to do it on our own.
In part one of our interview, you focused on the importance of a shared place in experiencing authentic community. When it comes to community, what else is essential?
Randy Frazee: We have to collectively embrace a common purpose. Some understand it better than others, but there must be an overriding purpose to what the community is about.
Also, authentic community has a sense of common possessions. That is, we have to be willing to be stewards and see that what we have is not for ourselves or for our self-consumption.
What does this look like?
We can't say, "I’m going to give a small part of what's left over to help that person in need." There needs to be an Acts 4 commitment, where we are mutually interdependent. Community begins when we cannot understand ourselves apart from others. And that’s obviously the image of the trinity.
|  | Why is interdependence so hard for Christians?
I think one of the things we do in Christian community is we look at American financial independence as the preferred position. So in our compassion, we seek to reach out to others who are dependent and make them miserably independent like us.
I think the goal is mutual interdependence—but not based on the amount of resources one has over the other. There may be an elderly woman who is a widow and living off of social security. I'm certainly willing to come alongside of her financially, but she also can come alongside me with her hospitality and the wisdom God has given her. What she offers is just as valuable as financial resources.
Can you give an example of how interdependence plays out for theological students and churches?
There needs to be an interdependence between churches and theological students. Students tend to try and manage their seminary world while they're managing a new world called church—and they're usually totally separate worlds. What you’re trying to do in community is consolidate circles, which is why I think its great for churches within the area of a seminary to develop a community to talk about the challenges facing theological students.
And families within the church need to invite these students to be part of their lives. Allison, a Bethel Seminary student, is part of our church and lives in our neighborhood. She brought a few other people from the neighborhood over, and we hung out for a couple of hours. This is God’s intention for community.
Now that you are in ministry, how would you say community shapes ministry?
It's what keeps me on track and encouraged. My wife and I regularly have neighbors—who are slightly older than us—over for dinner. They aren’t in ministry, and they don’t go to Willow Creek, but exchanging life with them (and others in our community) has been critical to my spiritual health.
I also have a theological point of view that ministry is community, and for you not to live in it is not only going to hurt you personally in terms of your personal health, but it's also going to be an inauthentic ministry experience for you.
Is it risky to be real with people to whom you are called to minister?
Yes, you have to risk extending yourself out as one of them. Most people whom you are in community with can handle the fact that you are a pastor and human. I have risked that, and a couple of times in my ministry that has come back to burn me.
But I look at the alternative—which is isolation or a pastoral group. In my studies on community, I found that developing community in workplaces or with work associates (i.e., a pastoral support group) feeds discontent and fuels "workaholism." I tell people we are created for relationships, and we are created to work. When you try to create your community out of work, then it's just an opportunity for you to continue to work.
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 eaning on God when the call is steep.
by Jeremy Self, student, Dallas Theological Seminary
When I left ministry for full-time seminary, I was given a gift—a large staff. Not a group of people, though it would have been nice to have a "staff" to unpack all our boxes upon moving into our apartment. It was a six-foot long, slender piece of wood. Inscribed upon the staff was Genesis 12:1-4 (NLT):
"The LORD had said to Abram, 'Leave your native country, your relatives, and your father’s family, and go to the land that I will show you. I will make you into a great nation. I will bless you and make you famous, and you will be a blessing to others. I will bless those who bless you and curse those who treat you with contempt. All the families on earth will be blessed through you.' So Abram departed as the LORD had instructed."
So why a staff?
The year before I entered seminary, I sensed the Lord was stirring me to be further trained for planting a church. Over the course of that year, when my wife and I considered leaving the comforts of full-time ministry for full-time seminary, I learned two important principles about making decisions.
First, I learned to humble myself through fasting and prayer anytime I make a life-altering decision. I have a tendency to allow my achievements to cloud my perspective. When considering seminary, I immediately began to think of how prestigious the seminary is that I was thinking about attending. "Prestigious" and "I" go well together in my mind.
|  | I recognized this pride as I discerned God's plan for my family and me. And it led me to complete a 21-day fast, during which time God's direction became crystal clear. I finally understood that going to seminary was not about me but about him. I committed to never make a life-altering decision without first humbling myself through fasting and prayer.
Second, I learned that life-altering decisions should not be made alone. Some people have a "me and God" attitude. I know I do at times. However, my wife and I decided to include some of our closest confidants in the process of discovering God’s direction for our future.
The first conversation I had with my closest friend was not only encouraging but also helped me define God’s call. As I dialogued with him, he looked at me and said, "It sounds like God is wanting you to make an 'Abraham' move."
Previously, my wife and I discussed the possibility of staying on staff at the church and doing extension courses, but when this comment was made it galvanized me. We knew we needed to make a move.
Time and time again throughout the next year, we were reminded of Abraham’s step of faith and his obedience to God's call. That may not have happened if my wife and I had chosen to keep what we were sensing to ourselves.
|  | | One of our last weeks at our home church, we were presented with a staff to remind us of God's call, our dependence on him, and our obedience to God's call to seminary. We are on a journey to plant a church. For some reason, we have made a stop in Dallas, TX to be trained further. We thank God that we have the staff for the journey—to remind us we’ve been called by him for his Glory and dependent on him and community with others. |
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